See What I See
by M. Shattermirror
Summary: Vincent's idyllic inner world is shattered by news of Gil's death. Rated T for implied violence, disturbing images and Vincent being Vincent.


_Hey, Gil..._

_... what would I do without you?_

* * *

'It's just so much fun to have someone to love, isn't it?'

Liam shifts uneasily. Vincent had ignored his halting explanation that he had an important message to deliver; he's off in his own little dreamworld as usual, playing rough with his dolls.

'But sometimes Gil is really mean. And then I have to go and cheer myself up, and that can be lots of fun too—'

—rip go the scissors through the ribboned throat of a little pink-patched rabbit—

'—but it's such a shame that he doesn't understand. He won't play the game with me.'

_Hey, Gil... what would it take for you to love me as much as I love you? I'd do anything for you, you know. No one else matters. I'd happily kill them all — all for you. _

'Sir Vincent.' Liam clears his throat and wets it again with a nervous gulp. His gaze drops to his feet. 'Gilbert — your older brother... I must tell you...'

_No one would tell us what to do ever again. No one would keep us apart. I could do all the things I've been dreaming of for years with you._

'...he is dead.'

Vincent pauses. After an unbearable moment of silence he looks up with blank eyes. Instinctively Liam backs away slightly. Mouth on autopilot: 'It was very sudden, Sir Vincent. The attack came without warning. He and his master were both overpowered. No one is quite certain what happened to the B-Rabbit—'

'Gil... is dead?' Vincent sounds very small. His eyes are wide like that of the child's he never quite stopped being. 'Big brother...? No. No, you must be wrong.'

_Gil? Big brother? Hey, Gil, aren't you listening?_

'Sir Vincent. Forgive me.' Liam's head is bowed and shaking. 'I saw the body myself.'

_Can't you imagine the two of us side by side as kings of an empty kingdom? We could walk forever and see only the snow and the flowers on the trees — and all the people would be dead, so they'd lie like snow across the ground if it wasn't winter and flowers over the grass if it wasn't spring. Doesn't that sound like a lovely game? _

Almost clumsily he gets to his feet. Stuffing and scraps of muslin scatter across the rug. 'He's not dead! He's not! You're lying.'

'Vincent—'

A slash of silver and Liam falls back clutching at his face. The tips of the scissor blades are stained red.

_'YOU'RE LYING!'_

* * *

_Hey, Gil... do you know why it's so hard for me to stay awake?_

_It's because I have such beautiful dreams._

_There in my dreams there are oceans of lovely red and skies of gold... and everyone is just like me. Even you. You're always happy to see me, always happy to dance and let me hold you and touch you and play with you. Hey, big brother — you're beautiful, you know? Just like a porcelain doll. I wonder if your skull would break as easily as a doll's if they dropped you from the top of your lonely ladder... or your heart._

_Do you remember when we used to fall asleep holding onto each other? I want to do that again. I want to take your hand and pull you down with me, breathe in the smoke from your hair, feel your white skin under my palms. Gil, you're still so soft. I hope I grew up to be just as lovely as you._

Turning the scissors over and over in his crimson-flecked hands, Vincent catches a glimpse of his reflection in the blades. It is beautiful, he knows without taking pleasure in it. Very like Gil's, but the color of wheat where there should be black. Two fingertips caress the fair cheek, streaking it wet and warm.

He can touch himself and pretend it's Gilbert all he likes — but it never will be. He can never be his own brother.

_Hey, Gil... I never meant to be a bad boy. Everything I did — it was all for you. All so that you could love me the way you must have been meant to._

Shining silver hovering in front of his face, points ready to kiss twin orbs, red and gold. Vincent doesn't scream. Instead, he smiles.

_Gil, this world is so cruel. We have to go away from it together._

_Come down from your lonely ladder and let me show you my dream land. Mine, all mine._

_I wish you could see what I see._

_Gil._


End file.
